My biggest mommy mistake
I rock my baby to sleep.
She still sleeps in our room.
She's nearly rolled off the changing table several times.
I took her into Target knowing that her diaper was a disaster.
I didn't realize until she was about 4 weeks old that I had never washed under her arms.
Despite what you may think, I don't consider any of these to be my biggest mistake in parenting. Although I do admit that not washing her armpits for 4 weeks is pretty bad but definitely not the worst thing I've done.
I know that all of those things listed above are frowned upon by at least a few groups of parents, and those are definitely areas that I need to work on (in fact, Miss Lola is napping in her crib as we speak!). But this is a mistake I made VERY early on in the process. And is something that I fight daily. Let's talk about the first time I made this mistake. Lola was two days old.
Come back with me to the blissful days in the hospital.
Ah. Sweet sleeping baby.
We had an incredible staff at our hospital. They were super encouraging and friendly, and we were even able to stay in the room where I delivered Lola (which was HUGE!!!). Those days in the hospital were a complete blur. I would forget to change her diaper because I'd never done that before. And I would forget to feed her, because obviously I had never been in charge of feeding a baby before. But feeding her was the biggest struggle.
So many people had told me, "Babies don't need to eat very much when they're first born. The colostrum gives them a lot of nourishment." So when I actually remembered to feed Lola, and she would only eat for 5 minutes, I would think that she was totally fine. Because 5 minutes isn't "very much," so that should be all that she needs, right?
I had it set in my mind from the beginning that I wanted to nurse Lola for 6 months. That was my goal, and anything beyond that would just be more excuses to have chocolate milkshakes and Oreos. I had no idea that there were women out there who had trouble nursing, and I definitely didn't think that I would be one of them
While I was pregnant, I had received this negative connotation about formula from so many people.
"You're going to nurse, AREN'T YOU?"
"So you're going to pump when you go back to work, AREN'T YOU?"
And one that I had heard too many times,
"DO NOT LET THEM GIVE YOUR BABY FORMULA AT THE HOSPITAL!"
I had this impression that there was some sort of formula factory in hell that Satan himself was running. So I couldn't take part in that, right? And I'm such a people pleaser that I couldn't imagine letting all of these people down.
So when I met with the lactation consultant at the hospital, Trish, (who I give complete credit to for me still being alive and sane) and she encouraged me to strictly give Lola formula for my first few days home, I was devastated. Formula?!?!? How could I give that to my baby?? And why couldn't I provide what she needed?
Needless to say, the next few days were an absolute cry fest at the Paris household. I was so determined to nurse Lola, and every time she wouldn't come to me my spirit would just get crushed over and over again. I felt like such a failure as a mother. I remember telling my mom the day after we got home from the hospital, "It's the one thing I'm supposed to be able to do as a mom, and I can't even do it!" I was so disappointed in myself. I had this desire. I had this goal. I wasn't getting to do what I wanted.
And there it was.
I was putting my wants over my daughter's needs.
In case you're new to this whole mommy/parenting adventure, let me fill you in on something. Come here, come close. Babies need to eat. There. I said it. I knew that Lola needed nourishment so she could stay healthy and grow, and if I couldn't provide what she needed and formula could, then gosh darn it we're doing formula. And we did for several days. (I'll save the ending to this story for another post. So stay tuned!)
I had to get over myself. Isn't that what parenting is kind of all about? Getting over yourself? Because now you're not in charge of just yourself anymore. You are in charge of someone else who has needs that a lot of times you have to meet. So I got over myself. I pushed my goals and wants out the window and focused on what Lola needed.
It was all a very humbling experience. Reminding myself that I am not in control. In those moments of me feeling empty and being completely broken, I knew that the Lord was my strength. He was the One renewing my spirit each morning and giving me energy to go through the day. He reminded me that even though my plans are not perfect, His are always are. Many times my plans will fail, but His never will.
My daughter is growing (at an extremely fast rate, in my opinion) and is healthy, and I know that giving her formula early on has played a huge part in that. So while some people may see me giving her formula as a "mistake," I don't. My attitude was the mistake.
Like I said earlier in the post, it's still something that I struggle with and fail at daily. And that's ok. I will not claim to be perfect, because where's the fun in that? Nowhere :)
Lola's waking up, so that's my cue. :)
And here she is after her nap. See, everyone's happier when they sleep in their own bed :) We're gonna make it!
She still sleeps in our room.
She's nearly rolled off the changing table several times.
I took her into Target knowing that her diaper was a disaster.
I didn't realize until she was about 4 weeks old that I had never washed under her arms.
Despite what you may think, I don't consider any of these to be my biggest mistake in parenting. Although I do admit that not washing her armpits for 4 weeks is pretty bad but definitely not the worst thing I've done.
I know that all of those things listed above are frowned upon by at least a few groups of parents, and those are definitely areas that I need to work on (in fact, Miss Lola is napping in her crib as we speak!). But this is a mistake I made VERY early on in the process. And is something that I fight daily. Let's talk about the first time I made this mistake. Lola was two days old.
Come back with me to the blissful days in the hospital.
Ah. Sweet sleeping baby.
We had an incredible staff at our hospital. They were super encouraging and friendly, and we were even able to stay in the room where I delivered Lola (which was HUGE!!!). Those days in the hospital were a complete blur. I would forget to change her diaper because I'd never done that before. And I would forget to feed her, because obviously I had never been in charge of feeding a baby before. But feeding her was the biggest struggle.
So many people had told me, "Babies don't need to eat very much when they're first born. The colostrum gives them a lot of nourishment." So when I actually remembered to feed Lola, and she would only eat for 5 minutes, I would think that she was totally fine. Because 5 minutes isn't "very much," so that should be all that she needs, right?
I had it set in my mind from the beginning that I wanted to nurse Lola for 6 months. That was my goal, and anything beyond that would just be more excuses to have chocolate milkshakes and Oreos. I had no idea that there were women out there who had trouble nursing, and I definitely didn't think that I would be one of them
While I was pregnant, I had received this negative connotation about formula from so many people.
"You're going to nurse, AREN'T YOU?"
"So you're going to pump when you go back to work, AREN'T YOU?"
And one that I had heard too many times,
"DO NOT LET THEM GIVE YOUR BABY FORMULA AT THE HOSPITAL!"
I had this impression that there was some sort of formula factory in hell that Satan himself was running. So I couldn't take part in that, right? And I'm such a people pleaser that I couldn't imagine letting all of these people down.
So when I met with the lactation consultant at the hospital, Trish, (who I give complete credit to for me still being alive and sane) and she encouraged me to strictly give Lola formula for my first few days home, I was devastated. Formula?!?!? How could I give that to my baby?? And why couldn't I provide what she needed?
Needless to say, the next few days were an absolute cry fest at the Paris household. I was so determined to nurse Lola, and every time she wouldn't come to me my spirit would just get crushed over and over again. I felt like such a failure as a mother. I remember telling my mom the day after we got home from the hospital, "It's the one thing I'm supposed to be able to do as a mom, and I can't even do it!" I was so disappointed in myself. I had this desire. I had this goal. I wasn't getting to do what I wanted.
And there it was.
I was putting my wants over my daughter's needs.
In case you're new to this whole mommy/parenting adventure, let me fill you in on something. Come here, come close. Babies need to eat. There. I said it. I knew that Lola needed nourishment so she could stay healthy and grow, and if I couldn't provide what she needed and formula could, then gosh darn it we're doing formula. And we did for several days. (I'll save the ending to this story for another post. So stay tuned!)
I had to get over myself. Isn't that what parenting is kind of all about? Getting over yourself? Because now you're not in charge of just yourself anymore. You are in charge of someone else who has needs that a lot of times you have to meet. So I got over myself. I pushed my goals and wants out the window and focused on what Lola needed.
It was all a very humbling experience. Reminding myself that I am not in control. In those moments of me feeling empty and being completely broken, I knew that the Lord was my strength. He was the One renewing my spirit each morning and giving me energy to go through the day. He reminded me that even though my plans are not perfect, His are always are. Many times my plans will fail, but His never will.
My daughter is growing (at an extremely fast rate, in my opinion) and is healthy, and I know that giving her formula early on has played a huge part in that. So while some people may see me giving her formula as a "mistake," I don't. My attitude was the mistake.
Like I said earlier in the post, it's still something that I struggle with and fail at daily. And that's ok. I will not claim to be perfect, because where's the fun in that? Nowhere :)
Lola's waking up, so that's my cue. :)
And here she is after her nap. See, everyone's happier when they sleep in their own bed :) We're gonna make it!
You are full of wisdom at just the right times. Thank you. Love you! Stop making me cry!
ReplyDeleteI had a similar horrible experience! My milk didn't come in until day 6 so our first nights home from the hospital included Asher and I crying on the floor at 4 am while Aaron desperately tried to gather formula samples to make a bottle. I felt like a failure and was so confused because everyone had told me that nursing was the most natural and wonderful part of being a mother. Obviously my milk finally came in and Asher is very well nourished as you can tell from the pictures. But I still do not love nursing (let's be honest, other than being in a good
ReplyDeleteCuddling position, its not comfortable or convenient) and I loathe pumping but I feel like as long as I am blessed enough to be able to do that for my son then I will keep doing it. ( it also helps that I am extremely cheap and Aaron is in nursing school so I refuse to pay for
Formula if I don't have to) To me it's just another reminder that we are only borrowing these precious babies from God and we will constantly fail at being perfect parents but as long as we love them and lead them to Christ we will be able to honestly tell God that we tried our best. Lola is precious and I am so happy for you! Here's to many more well-intentioned mommy mistakes!!
Glad to know I'm not alone in this though I feel like I make huge mistakes daily. I had anatomy problems in the beginning and nursing (latching) was a HUGE challenge. My little one ended up losing the dreaded 10% of his body weight and had to be fed formula in the first week because his blood sugar dropped. I too felt like I had made a huge mistake for not nursing him better or supplementing with formula. I also had to pump for the first 5 weeks until little A finally decided to latch. It was a great relief. Formula was not a mistake at all but was what was necessary at the time to nourish your child. I feel like I'm constantly going against what others think I should be doing. I am currently fighting a cereal battle with my mom because I think he's to young and she thinks he needs to sleep more. I still have him sleeping in our room and take him into our bed to night feed. I walk him to sleep often and I dont feel bad about any of it because at the end of the day no one knows better than me what he needs and he is a happy healthy little guy! Keep your head up and keep doing whats best for your little cutie!
ReplyDelete